This is my reply to Mojo’s blog post regarding the regrettably, overly deep analysis that some honest, loving fans have done over the run of B-Star Galactica when it comes to star patterns seen fleetingly in the background. If it passes moderation, you’ll see it as a response to his blog… but without some of the corrections I’ve made after the fact in terms of misplaced commas and the like. Enjoy!
Mojo,
I want to take this opportunity to thank you and the amazing CGI/FX team at Battlestar for the wonderfully consistent work on BSG, despite the hectic schedules and the fast turn-around time that you guys need to meet when working on a television budget. (I do have issues with the CGI for “Daybreak,” but I won’t go into that. I understand that the special effects were finished a day before the episode aired, so I understand it.)
While I understand the astronomy or science buffs for being a bit miffed over the so-called “starfield clues,” they need to understand that the sole purpose of a television show is to entertain and, from a financial standpoint, make cubits for the network. (I believe the field you are in is referred to as the “entertainment business,” and as a business there are investments and the expectation is that there is a return on said investments in the form of recouping the initial investment and, ultimately, profit.) If these fans wanted real hard science fiction, then they could go to the library and look into the works of Carl Sagan, Issac Asimov or other golden age SF writers to read. Further, they could simply watch the Discovery, History Channel and other educational shows. The fact that you guys and gals cared enough to be consistent under hectic television schedules and other stresses shows your true dedication and passion for the art of making a television show.
The sad part about these fans (which are less than 0.01% of us, but yet are the most vocal) is that they have demonstrated a complete lack of understanding about what the people in the entertainment trenches of television production go through. I do not for one minute believe that this disrespect is intentional, but rather out of sheer ignorance and, borne from that, misunderstanding. I really wish the fans could go through what I experienced up in Vancouver when prepping for the first BSG auction before the production wrapped after “The Plan” and “Face of the Enemy,” as then they would have had their eyes opened to what actually goes on behind the scenes. Even my personal minimal exposure to this process has nurtured a greater respect for what EVERYONE in the production staff goes through just to make the show happen! Color me “biased,” but at least my opinion is informed.
I’ve always maintained that there are very few fans who (dangerously) read far too much into things in the show, whether it be the way something is said, or into the minute details in the background. And while it’s easy to say that “people will always nitpick at everything and so you must account for that,” it needs to be understood and accepted that you guys cannot account for these things. The conditions that, again, you’ve laid out in your blog post demonstrate that this is impossible. You will never please all the nitpickers, and it isn’t worth your time to do so.
So, yes, the constellations in the Tomb of Athena were a scientific mistake as Grazier admitted and, yes, Gaeta’s comment about them matching in Earth 1′s orbit were also a mistake… however, BSG is an “elseworld” and should be treated as such. After all, the Cylons don’t exist, there’s no William Adama, there’s no “other Earth” and it is all a work of fiction that miraculously lasted longer than its original source material. So what’s to say that the constellations seen in the Tomb of Athena WEREN’T the constellations over the Kobollian Cylons’ homeworld? Hmm…
Regardless, you all have done well for yourselves. Sure there were mistakes, but as BSG is a mirror of the human condition, this is to be expected… and, in a perverse sort of way, cherished and respected.
To those of us who complain and belabor things ad nauseum (and, honestly, to no point)… Be thankful that we received four seasons, two movies, webisodes and a spin-off. It could be worse. You could be watching Galactica 1980 for four seasons, as we could have a spin-off with just the descendants of the “Super Scouts” jumping for joy as they throw seeds into trenches made by lasers as they sing a space scout chantey.
Yes, I saw this on a friend’s myspace blog, and decided to do it. It’s pretty accurate, except for the “planning” thing. Not that organized, sorry to tell ya.
Your Five Factor Personality Profile
Extroversion:You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.
Conscientiousness:
You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.
Agreeableness:
You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t mind giving someone a second chance.
Neuroticism:
You have medium neuroticism.
You’re generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there’s a few emotional bumps you’d like to get rid of.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You’ll try almost anything interesting, and you’re constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseur of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.
There is a new video with Tom Cruise discussing Scientology in what is being called an “indoctrination video”. First, need I point out that Nazis produced far superior indoctrination videos? Secondly, this video (with the odd Mission Impossible music loop) is not an indoctrination video. It’s a case-in-point analysis of why Tom Cruise is a horrible, overrated actor who can’t act his way out of a bag without a script. Or his attempt to be deliver dialogue in an over-emotive William Effing Shatner fashion — the originator of which, by the way, has more acting acumen than this clown.
<cruise>It’s… it’s like… I have the power to help. You, you know, help people. I’d like to go on the Internet, have fun and play… but… I can’t do that… maybe if I… (laughing hysterically) change the world… then we can all go on the Internet to have fun and play. We are the experts. (begins counting with fingers) We can cure illness. We can decriminalize the criminals. We can rebuild people. We have the technology… We are Scientologists. We are the Incomprehensible Missive Force. (cue Mission Impossible music)</cruise>
Although the video has been yanked from YouTube, Google, and various other sites repeatedly, it is located here.
Watch for yourself, then try to figure out what the fuck you just watched… If it wasn’t an example of a very, very bad ad libbing session, I don’t know what is.
So, I found this little gem on Hulu, initially unsure what it was all about. Other than MySpace. As you can likely surmise, I gave it a try.
The premise of this skit is that a guy is teaching a class on how to create a profile on MySpace. Instead of teaching a younger group, the instructor discovers that the group is older than his target audience: it consists of a mother (played by Julia Dreyfus) and six middle-aged men.
And the sad part is, SNL actually grabbed the cultural zeitgeist by the balls with this one.
One of my friends on ShitSpace posted this bulletin:
Don’t pump gas on May 15th
Body: Don’t pump gas on May 15.
In April 1997, there was a “gas out” conducted nationwide in protest of gas prices.
Gasoline prices dropped 30 cents a gallon overnight.
On May 15th 2007, all myspace members are to not go to a gas station in protest of
high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most places.
There are 73,000,000+ American members currently on the myspace network, and the
average car takes about 20 to 30 dollars to fill up.
If all myspace members did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take
$2,200,000,000.00 (that’s BILLION) out of the oil company’s pockets for just one day.
If you agree (which I cant see why you wouldn’t) repost this bulletin repost it with
‘Don’t pump gas on May 15th
As anyone with some form if intellect can painfully see, there is a big-fucking-problem with this logic. Sure, you can do a “strike” for one day, but you still have a car, right? Don’t know if you folks knew this or not, but you car will still need gas — good intentions be damned. ‘Tis be the nature of the beast.
So instead of filling up on May 15th, you fill up the day after, or the day before. Basically, you’re still giving the oil companies your money. They’re still getting their $2.2 billion that they’re supposed to “lose” that day.
See kiddies, they think for the long term. Contrary to popular belief, greed does not equate to stupidity; stupid people are greedy, or greed may be the impetus for stupidity, but greed isn’t stupid. See, they know you have a car, and that you must fill your car with gas. (More refined countries call it “petrol”, by the way.) Catch-22. They win, even if they have to placate the generally idiotic public by dropping the gas .30 cents.
Instead, the smarter thing to do would be to ride bikes, walk, car pool, or even budget your trips. For instance, make a list of things you need to get, and shop at one place. Bargain hunting these days is mostly through the internet anyway, and you end up spending more money (and time!) running around trying to price match and “get the best deal”.
So go ahead and don’t go to the gas station on May 15th… Just go on May 14th… or May 16th… Or any other day other than May 15th.
At the end of the day, you still haven’t solved the problem of dependence on foreign oil. Solve that, and the gas prices will address themselves.
… well, besides the idiot management making idiotic decisions, or the idiot employees, or even the idiot customers, this gem nearly killed my cognitive reasoning centers.
It starts with a manager coming up to me and commenting on what a rabid customer was screaming about last night. The rather customer made the claim that the horror DVD section should be moved from the aisle containing the Disney DVDs, because children shouldn’t be subjected to horror. (The customer was apparently incoherent and rambling; the epitome of someone who should have been neutered prior to any sexual intercourse.)
Now understand that on one side of the aisle, the Disney section is to the extreme left of the row, while the horror section is to the extreme right. With 12 4-foot sections in this side, the Disney DVDs take up two sections, with the horror (on that side) taking only 1 4-footer. This leaves, oh, 9 sections (totalling some 36 feet) separating the two. Just for good measure, let me draw this out for the folks paying attention. After Disney, this is the breakdown of what is between Disney and the oh-so-dreaded horror:
1 section of Nickelodeon videos.
1 section of young children’s movies.
2 sections of family movies, which “Over The Hedge”, “Open Season”, and “Ice Age” are a part.
3 sections of Anime, which is not that kid friendly either.
2 sections of science fiction movies.
If this were not the case, I would understand the parent’s concern. (Although I won’t cover how the parent presented his concern, because the way he did it isn’t something to hold up as an example of maturity.)
So to add salt to my brain hemorrhaging, as it were, the manager who brought this to my attention asks me to send an e-mail to the “media bus”. (The media bus is where media employees in the field go to ask for help when a problem is encountered on the battlefield that none of the imbeciles in upper management is able to answer, either consistently or at all. Sadly, this is only a theory since media bus is hardly helpful and doesn’t respond to queries in a timely manner; the lowest response time I’ve ever received from them is roughly 72 hours.) He asks me to ask them whether or not we can move the section, which I know we can’t because the DVDs are in a certain order, or what we refer to as a “flow”. This makes each Worst Buy consistent, since (in the bloodshot-eyed-world of Best Buy corporate) a customer should be able to enter a Best Buy and be able to gain the same experience, regardless of region. My thoughts on that are for another entry, but anyway I wasted 15 minutes trying to write the e-mail.
Yes, I wasted 15 minutes on composing a one paragraph e-mail essentially asking “Can I move the horror section because it is in the same aisle as the family-oriented DVDs and one dim-witted, incoherent mentally deficient cunt had a hissy over it being in the same aisle?” The reason for which is because of how I worded the letter, so that I personally don’t look stupid to the monkey reading the e-mail at the other end…
But then again, I guess I’m assuming good faith in my assumption that the monkey can identify stupidity when it sees it.
Either way, I’m morbidly interested in seeing how this all plays out.
It reminds me of the time when a Best Buy employee asked where the 1 year Xbox Live cards were and then, in the same breath, commented that all he saw were the 12 month cards, the 3 month cards, and the one month card.
… they copy your MySpace page and add some crappy attempt at slander to it.
That’s right. Someone copied (some) of my MySpace page. It’s not really all that creative, and it’s pretty asinine since the only thing that was done, in an attempt to slander, was “I like jacking off to porn all day long”. (I’ll be the first to point out that I’ve already tried this and it’s not good for the hand or for the organ in question. For Christ’s fucking sake, I don’t care to murder the kittens! PETA would be on my ass in a minute. Shit.)
Quite witty, this queen of wit. Apparently last login for Captain Intellect was 12/11/2006.
So I sent “Joe” the following message:
Must say, you have very sexy profile. Very sexy picture.
Now you must excuse. Must make sexy time with the hand.
Note: You’ll have to turn off the page style, since it won’t show up otherwise. If you have Firefox, simply select “View”, then “Page Style”, then “No Style” to see the thing.
As I lay sick in bed, and likely unable to call out tomorrow from that hell (which I shall soon be freed from, I can only hope) runneth over with spineless hypocrites, I nauseatingly reflect on Shitmas 2006.
The following quote sums up my feelings on Christmas (or any holiday that has been raped and hollowed out for the sake of making a quick buck) more eloquently and ferociously than anything I could come up with:
Christmas is an awfulness that compares favorably with the great London plague and fire of 1665-66. No one escapes the feelings of mortal dejection, inadequacy, frustration, loneliness, guilt and pity. No one escapes feeling used by society, by religion, by friends and relatives, by the utterly artifical responsiblities of extending false greetings, sending banal cards, reciprocating unsolicited gifts, going to dull parties, putting up with acquaintances and family one avoids all the rest of the year…in short, of being brutalized by a ‘holiday’ that has lost virtually all of its original meanings and has become a merchandising ploy for color tv set manufacturers and ravagers of the woodlands.
— Harlan Ellison, “No Offense Intended, But Fuck Xmas!” (1972) The Harlan Ellison Hornbook
I make no apologies for my firm beliefs in this matter. After experiencing the atrocities wrought by so-called human beings out to placate their spoiled progeny with vapid toys and intellectual devoid time wasters, Christmas has been perverted from a childhood joy into a steaming pile of fecal matter.
Or perhaps it was always like this, and my brain just finally realized this idiocy.
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