August 4, 2008 | Welcome nuggets!

Hello nuggets,

Welcome to my personal, personal blog-o. As you might notice, my “earlier material” is filled with foul language, psychotic rants, and some insight into my loves and hatreds. My earlier material is from when I really needed to let off steam (i.e. when I was figuring out what the fuck was up with my life), so I rarely used this blog to actually reflect on the “good things in life”. Whatever that still is.

What you will not see on my website from hereon out (or in, as the case may be), courtesy of the late, great George Carlin (from his CD, Parental Advsiory: Explicit Lyrics):

Now I’d like to begin tonight with an opening announcement: Because of the FCC, I’m never sure what it is I’m allowed to say. So..so, I now have my own official policy: This is the language you will not be hearing tonight.

You will not hear me say “bottom line”, “game plan”, “role model”, “scenario”, or “hopefully”. I will not “kick back”, “mellow out”, or “be on a roll”. I will not “go for it” and I will not “check it out”; I don’t even know what “it” is. And when I leave here I definitely will not “boogie”. I promise not to refer to anyone as a “class act”, “a beautiful person” or a “happy camper”. I will also not be saying “what a guy.” And you will not hear me refer to anyone’s lifestyle. If you want to know what a moronic word “lifestyle” is, all you have to do is realize that in a technical sense, Atilla the Hun had an active outdoor lifestyle. I will also not be saying any cute things like “moi.” And I will not use the French adverb “tre” to modify any English adjectives, such as “tre awesome,” “tre gnarly,” “tre fabou,” “tre intense,” or “tre out-of-sight.” I will not say “concept” when I mean “idea”. I will not say “impacted” when I mean “affected”. There will be no “hands-on state-of-the-art networking”. We will not “maximize”, “prioritize”, or “finalize”…and we definitely will not “interface”. There will also…there will also be no new-age lingo spoken here tonight. No support-group jargon from the human potential movement. For instance, I will not “share” anything with you. I will not “relate” to you and you will not “identify” with me. I will give you no “input”, and I will expect no “feedback”. This will not be a “learning experience”, nor will it be a “growth period”. There’ll be no sharing, no caring, no birthing, no bonding, no parenting, no nurturing. We will not “establish a relationship”, we will not have any “meaningful dialogue” and we definitely will not spend any “quality time”. We will not be supportive of one another, so that we can get in touch with our feelings in order to feel good about ourselves. And if you’re one of those people who needs a little space…please…go the fuck outside.