September 19, 2006 | What would Jesus (not) do…?

Win at bowling, obviously.

I was too tired to post this yesterday. To give you an idea of how tired I was, I went to bed at 6:30 P.M. and woke up at 4 A.M. Yay.

Anyhoo, I went bowling with my friend Jesus and his wife, Lolita.

After all the shit that Jesus talked about beating my ass at bowling, I found myself victorious game after game. Five in a row.

I’ve included pictures from my 1 megapixel cameraphone. Sorry for the low quality; if I knew Jesus would suck so badly, I would have brought my digital camcorder (which, ironically, I bought off of him) to film him.

I have scores from 4 of the 5 games, since Jesus wiped out the scores from game 4 before I could snap the picture.

September 17, 2006 | In the mirror, darkly.

Went back to hell today. It turns out that my own department was hit for $150+ worth of CDs just yesterday. (11 CDs at around 13 bucks… you do the math. Please.)

Anyway, I needed to vent because that pissed me off greatly. I was ready to yell, scream and pontificate in a vulgar matter at the morning meeting, prior to opening the store. Fortunately, someone else broached the issue, but I’ll hear about this shit from my discipline manager again on Tuesday when I go into work. And I was really looking forward to going back to work too.

Ah, well, reality check. Dee dee dee.

So here’s what I am going to do:

If I catch the fucktwit who is stealing from my domain, I will fuck you up so badly that you won’t even realize you’ve been fucked up. I imagine golf clubs covered with blood and your ability to procreate damaged beyond repair — we don’t need your kind contaminating the world, after all — however, sadly, that’s only in my imagination. Instead I’ll leave that to the inmates when your ass gets arrested and sodomized by your fellow scum of the earth; nothing like honor amongst thieves after all.

What I will do to facilitate this: I will be there to publicly humiliate your ass with my camera. I will take pictures of you and your accomplices being escorted out of the fucking building. If the police are pussy-shit and let you go with a slap on the wrist, I will humiliate you in the court of public opinion. Call it a public execution, if you will, because that’s what it’ll be. I will post a page on my website with your picture and what you stole.

Nothing like humiliation to correct deviant behavior.

Hence the reason why I ask that anyone in retail (or anyone seeing theft occur), to take a picture of the thieves and publicly humiliate them vis a vis the Internet. Expose them to the light, because if we leave them to fester in the darkness, then this shit will only go out of control.

So, the ultimate question is, how much is your pride and dignity worth to you? $150? $13? $1?

September 16, 2006 | Last Rites? Nah, just last hours till I go back to the pits of hell.

I couldn’t take sitting home trying to enjoy the final 24 hours of my vacation before the coming hail-of-shit storm. I tried cleaning my room but I had knots in my Godsdamned stomach…

So I went to see Hollywoodland, which is a story dealing with the death of Superman actor George Reeves — not to be confused with Christopher Reeve, who portrayed Superman in the movies. (I wanted to see All the King’s Men, but that doesn’t come out until the 22nd, so I settled for this.) All in all, it wasn’t a bad movie. The movie was stylishly done and the cast was pretty strong. The plot was predictable, but solid. The one thing I wasn’t overly fond of was Ben Affleck, though he did a decent job as playing the sick-as-hell-of-being-stereotyped Reeves, and he did get Reeves’ mannerisms down fairly pat. (I remember watching the Adventures of Superman back in my own youth when they were being re-run on Nick-at-Nite, so the movie did bring out some nauseating nostalgia in me.) The only good thing in the movie was, well, Adrien Brody. Other than that, the movie could have easily been an HBO special, since there was nothing there that made the movie a theater-only experience.

After the movie, I walked into my Best Buy to make sure the place hadn’t burned down. (Oh, I would pray for that, but prayers are nothing but an exercise in vocal and pseudo-spiritual masturbation.) Much to my astonishment, everything was running fairly smoothly and there were only a few minor issues I was brought up to speed on. Armageddon didn’t come… yet. While there, I picked up the special box set of The Office and the new tin of the original and unraped Star Wars. Finally, versions of the original trilogy that the revisionist hack-fuck-frakwit George Lucas didn’t pervert with his CGI revisionist jihad. Georgy boy needed to realize that art is only abandoned and never finished. And there was nothing wrong with the original trilogy anyway, except for the Ewoks. (And, no, calling them muppets is an insult to muppets everywhere.)

So that’s where I’m at.

Good night, and good luck.

September 16, 2006 | vacation’s done already? shit.

Today’s my last day of vacation and I really feel like that fucking whiney-ass bitch-kid who is getting dragged to school. I can literally feel the heels of my feet being dragged along the asphault as someone has my collar bunched up in their hand, screaming and whining with arms outstretched. Tomorrow, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had a red-line across my neck from the collar’s tension, when I wake up at 6 A.M. and work the 10 hour shift I’m supposed to pull on Sunday.

JOE
(little kid voice)
Oh boy! Yipee!

And I don’t want to be feeling this way. I want to just enjoy my last day of vacation before the Hell known as the “Holiday Season”, “Merry Fucking Festivus”, or whatever politically correct terminology we’re supposed to use descends upon me and drowns me in its shit-storm. (It’s bad enough that the name “Black Friday” has been perverted into terminology like “Blue Friday”, “Green Friday”, et al. To me, it’s Black-and-Blue Friday, because I will be black and blue after that day. Or at least the remnants of my thrice-damned soul.)

Ah well, Hell’s worse I suppose…

Now back to my regular scheduled vacation.

September 13, 2006 | Who are you?

You scored as CPO Galen Tyrol. You never wanted to be a glamorous Viper pilot. You are happy knowing that without you to fix their birds, they cannot fly. You fell in love with the wrong girl, but is that so wrong? Maybe, but you don’t really care. CPO Galen Tyrol 69% Commander William Adama 63% Dr Gaius Baltar 63% Capt. Lee Adama (Apollo) 63% Tom Zarek 50% President Laura Roslin 31% Lt. Sharon Valerii (Boomer) 25% Col. Saul Tigh 25% Lt. Kara Thrace (Starbuck) 19% Number 6 13% What New Battlestar Galactica character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Which Babylon 5 character are you most like?

You are Commander Jeffrey Sinclair. Noble and self-sacrificing, you’re a really good person. You probably don’t realise it, and the people around you may not either – but they certainly appreciate the good work you do. Have a nice shiny halo.
Take this quiz!

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September 13, 2006 | big idea, small man

I’ve been toying with a major idea for a while now. (Not the quitting-from-Shit-Buy-idea-which-I-can’t-afford-to-do, but another one…) The idea for a major wiki.

For those who don’t know what a wiki is, it’s a website where people can come together and add information to, without knowing how to actually run a website or write up the code to generate a web page. Wikis are typically good for assembling encyclopedias and reference resources because it’s not one person doing the work. For instance, Battlestar Wiki and the venerable Wikipedia are wikis.

The major wiki idea comes from the fact that there isn’t a central place for science fiction/fantasy information. Or a repository for “all things sci-fi” in terms of pictures, information and so forth.

In the event that you didn’t know this, the Internet is one big fucking disorganized mess. It’s a central place people go for decentralized information, which is both a good and bad thing for reasons I don’t really care to list here.

But my idea is to create a major wiki with reliable information on all-that-can-be-known about science fiction.

And I’m sure people thought of trying the same thing, or are attempting something like it (on a generic level), and probably found the task to be the massive beastie that it is.

But like all massive problems, it’s all about breaking it down into smaller, more managable components.

So, for the sake of needing some proper noun, I’m going to call this project “The SF Hub”. It’s a hub because in its center is one wiki, which is the foundation to the hub. Call it the gateway or portal. It’s the foyer to the exhibit, where people can walk in and look around. The “foyer wiki” is basically a place where people can find out general information on a subject and are introduced to the topic. However, the foyer won’t have every single detail about a subject, so that’s where the other exhibits will come in — like a museum.

Each subject, like Battlestar Galactica or Babylon 5 for example, will have a “exhibit wiki”. An exhibit wiki is basically a sub-wiki that has all the detailed information about that one subject.

The beauty of having something like this is that everything can be interlinked. Let’s say an actor has participated in more than one sci-fi show — there’s no need to have duplicate information on three different wikis. Those three wikis can share the same information without one entry on said actor contradicting another entry on said actor on another wiki.

This also addresses another serious problem with the internet. Everything tending to contradict one another or be incomplete. For instance, Wikipedia may have a general article on William Shatner with his achievments and biographical landmarks, yet a Star Trek wiki, like Memory Alpha, may have a more specific article covering Shatner’s Star Trek career. Merge the two together and you have a better, more detailed resource.

If we can take a lesson from Wal-Mart, it’s that (most) people want to go to one place to get everything — the mythical “one-stop shop”. Not only does going to a one-stop shop save time, but it allows people to do other things with the time they didn’t waste on visiting five different places to find that one minor item.

Now, how will this look?

Essentially, you would enter “The SF Hub” by going to its main website, say http://www.sfhub.com

From there, you would find a directory of “exhibits”, sorted by alphabet, time period or what-have-you. Using a bulleted list form, it would look something like this:

• Foyer Wiki — the entrance and directory, from which one may go to:
• Battlestar Wiki (a wiki on Battlestar Galactica)
• SF Persons Wiki (actors, actresses, writers, etc.)
• Literature Wiki (a wiki on SF literature in its varied forms)
• and so on, and so on…

So everything is in one place, but only in different exhibits, very much like a virtual museum-meets-encyclopedia-meets-”all-knowing-reference”.
So that’s my idea. At least in its nascency, beacuse I think the logistics of setting up such a thing are fairly enormous and require a dedicated team of people not just for the bureaucratic bullshit, but to build upon and maintain the content of such a beastie. Oh, and money… we can’t forget about that. Being on the net isn’t cheap, particularly when you’re possibly going to use a whole lot of resources.

September 8, 2006 | So, what, you believe you are above the law?

On Thursday, around 4 to 4:30, there was a shoplifter that was caught trying to steal a cell phone from the store to which I am unfortunately employed. She was detained until the police could get there and around 4:50ish she was escorted from the store by an Indian River cop. (Finally, someone with a backbone was there to not let the fucking cunt go with a slap on their wrist. W00-fuckin-00t!)

The sad part about it was that this mother had a child with her, and apparently some male companion. That’s the part that saddens me. I was almost tempted to pull out my SLVR and snap a picture of this cunt.

For posterity and for humiliation. (I was seriously thinking of creating what would be a cross between “The Letterman List” and the “FBI’s 10 Most Wanted” thing to post here. Not that I believe anyone would read such a thing, but public flogging and humiliation has its uses.)

But then I saw the child. Crying. The man — who I assume was the child’s father — was there too, trying to console the little kid. I would say she was between 6 to 9 years of age, roughly 3 to 4 ft.

And that pissed me off more than anything. So I didn’t take the fucking picture.

Think about it, though… How does a kid respect their parent if said parent spits in the face of law and common decency? Really? How?

And that’s emblematic of what’s wrong with this FUBARed country, the lack of parenting.

Speaking of which, what the fuck is with the shoes with the rollers? What? You let your kids buy those things? It’s bad enough that there’s an obesity problem and a problem with apathetic lethargy in this country… what, now you want to encourage it? Don’t bother blaming the shoe manufacturers either. They’re just making this shit because you consume it; remember “supply and demand”?

And then you fuckin’ parents will sue the shoe maufacturer. The lawsuit will not be because of their product, but because you were incompetent and didn’t have the backbone to say “No” to your goddamned kid — a fuckhead that you unfortunately created who wanted to be on the “in crowd” and be a cookie-cutter person like every jabroni in the Western world. Just remember when your fuckup splits their head open after they lost their balance, you are ultimately responsible for the consequences — not the company. So say we all.